Saturday, April 30, 2011

Addiction to Thinking

Varun sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about.


Varun is an extremely intelligent man, but in some ways he was using his own intelligence against himself. The problem was that when Varun did have those brief moments of true connection, he immediately went into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The moment he went into his mind, he lost the connection that he so desperately desired.

The reason Varun went into his mind was that, as much as he wanted the joy of deep spiritual connection, he wanted something even more than that - control over that connection. Varun’s ego wounded self-believed that he could control the connection with Spirit with his intellect - if only he could figure it out then he could control it. The last thing Varun wanted to do, which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit, is to surrender his thinking. Varun was deeply addicted to thinking as a way to not feel his inner experience. Thinking was his way of controlling his painful feelings, such as his aloneness, loneliness, and helplessness over others and over his spiritual connection.

Many of us are addicted to thinking. We believe if we can just figure things out we can control others and the outcome of things. We want to control how people feel about us and treat us by saying just the right thing - so we have to think about it over and over to discover the right thing to say. This is called “ruminating.” Ruminating is obsessively thinking about something over and over in the hopes of finally coming up with the “right” answer, the right thing to say, the right way to be to have control over others and the outcome of things. Ruminating is also a way to have control over our own painful feelings, which is what addictions are all about.
In my work with Varun, he would immediately go into his head and analyze what was happening in the session the minute feelings came up. Over and over I would bring him out of his head and into his body, into his feelings. His feelings were so terrifying to him that he could only stay with his feelings for a few moments before he was back into his head - explaining, figuring out, intellectualizing. He was so terrified of the soul 

Loneliness and aloneness he felt that he had learned to avoid these feelings with his mind. Yet until Varun was willing to feel his painful feelings, which had been there since childhood, he couldn’t stay out of his head. As long as his intent was to control his pain rather than learn from it, he would not be able to move into the spiritual connection he so desired. 


The purposes of all of our addictions are to avoid pain, especially the deep soul loneliness that we all feel in this society. The problem is that our disconnection from our feelings - which is our Inner Child - creates aloneness as well. Our feeling self, our Inner Child, is left alone inside with no one to attend to the painful feelings. It is only when our desire is to learn about how we may be causing our own painful feelings that we open to our inner experience. Our desire to learn also opens the door to our spiritual connection, which we cannot feel when our intent is to avoid pain with our various addictions.

It took Varun many months to be willing to feel his painful feelings, but he discovered that when he finally had the courage to feel them, it was not as bad as he thought. In fact, when he was no longer abandoning his Inner Child by going into his addictive thinking, he no longer felt alone within. Connecting with himself allowed him to connect with Spirit more and more of the time. Rather than getting there through thinking and trying to control it, he was getting there by being present in the moment with his inner experience - surrendering to the moment. Varun found that while he could not control others and the outcome of things, he actually did have control over his misery - by choosing the intent to learn rather than protecting against pain. While he couldn’t control Spirit, he did have control his own intent, which eventually led to his being able to connect with Spirit. 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

All about smoking and how to quit

Why do we smoke?
Why do we smoke, when we all know that it is not good for health? There are very many reasons to it but in this article we will ponder over the biggest reason in today’s times and that is to release STRESS. What is stress, can we remove it through smoking, if not then how can we remove it, lets talk a little in the light of these questions.

What is Stress?
What is Stress? Stress is the situation when we feel helpless, incapable to perform, not able to meet the deadlines and pressurized. Stress could be due to any reason, be it work pressure, differences at personal front, may be due to financial crisis, or it could be due to anything.

Can we remove it through smoking?
Can we remove it through smoking? Can we smoke away our blues in the air and relax? Perhaps the answer is in the negative. If I have to submit a report to my boss in an hour, which I know, is just impossible and I am thus nervous, will smoking a complete cigarette down my lungs make me build a ginnee of that smoke that will do some miracle for me. Perhaps that could have happened, but alas it is not so. Then why am I smoking, if it is doing no good to me?

Then what to do?
Then what should I do in a stressful situation? The 


answer is confront it. Face the problem and find a solution to it. As for in my case above I would have talked to my boss, for some more time to prepare the report or if that could not have been possible to, provide me with some helping hand. Thus in a nutshell it is only positive attitude and logical thinking that helps you come out of a crisis situation. That’s why it is rightly said that it’s your attitude and not your aptitude that decides your altitude.

Dangers of smoking
Smoking not only does no good to us but it is bad for us, it thus does double harm to us. Smoking increases the chances of death due to lungs and breast cancer by a number of times. It wrecks the lungs during sports.

Tobacco the chemical contained in the cigar narrows the blood vessels and strains our heart. The biggest harm of tobacco is that it makes a person addictive to its use. So one should watch out, so as not to become addictive to its use in his plight to get rid of his worries and frustration. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Addiction to Talking

Non-stop talking is about using others for attention and approval because of not giving oneself enough attention and approval. The talker is not actually offering anything to the listener. Instead, the talker, in going on and on with a monologue, is pulling energy from the listener. People who end up listening to a talker go on and on are often caretakers who are afraid to hurt the talker by disengaging or by telling the truth about their boredom.

Talkers are often needy people who attempt to assuage their emptiness by trapping people into listening to them. For example, I’ve seen people telling a bank teller their life story, while the trapped teller doesn’t know how to disengage without being impolite. The problem is that one of the reasons these people are without friends is that no one wants to be with them. It’s draining to be at the other end of a needy person who uses talking as a way to fill up.

If you are addicted to talking, perhaps you believe that you are being interesting when you go on and on about yourself. However, you might reconsider the truth of this belief if you find that many people avoid you. Most people will not tell you the truth – that they feel tired, drained and trapped in your presence, and bored by your talking. Not wanting to offend you, they just stay away rather speak their truth. They don’t answer the phone when they know it’s you, and they find any excuse to not spend time with you. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s that they don’t want to be used by you to fill up your emptiness.

HEALING YOUR ADDICTION TO TALKING

Imagine that you have a child within you – your feeling self - who feels very alone. This child feels alone 


because you are not paying attention to him or her. Every time you trap someone into listening to you, it is as if you are handing this inner child away for adoption. You want someone else to attend to and approve of this child instead of you accepting this responsibility.

The very fact of doing this is an inner abandonment and is creating the aloneness that is at the heart of all addictions. By expecting others to listen to you when you don’t listen to yourself, you are giving the child within a message that he or she is not important to you. When you do not take the time to attend to your own feelings and needs, you are creating inner neediness and emptiness. This inner emptiness is like a vacuum that attempts to suck caring from others. Yet no matter how often others do listen to you, it never really fills you. This is because only you can give your own inner child what he or she needs.

If you were to take some time each day to have a dialogue, either out loud or in writing, with the part of you who so needs to be heard, you would discover that you can fill your own emptiness. In addition, if you practice imagining a loving spiritual presence holding you, loving you, listening to you and guiding you, you will no longer feel alone.

As long as you believe that it is someone else’s job to fill you, you will not take the time to learn how to fill yourself. As long as you believe that it is okay to trap others and use them to fill yourself, you will continue your talking addiction. Only when you get that it is not loving to yourself or others to expect them to take care of your own inner child – your own feelings and needs - will you start to take on that responsibility.

While you might not believe that you can fill yourself better than others can, you will not know until you try. My personal experience is that when my intention is to take loving care of myself and to fill myself with the Love that is God, I feel happy and peaceful. When you choose to take responsibility for meeting your own needs instead of abandoning yourself to others, you will never feel alone.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Mental Health

Alcohol abuse is overrated, while drug abuse is underrated. The DSM manual suggests that substance abuse there are differences in the definition of drug and alcohol use. To confuse matters worse the law has its own version of who is an alcoholic or drug addict. Some of the symptoms that help professionals determine if alcohol and drugs are a problem include, excessive drinking/drugging, problems with the law, withdrawal symptoms, shaking of the hands, and so forth. If a person drinks everyday of the week and relies on alcohol, then you are probably dealing with an alcoholic.

There are philosophers who claim if a person needs a drink at breakfast, that he or she is an alcohol. Some philosophers claim that if you drink more than six-pack weeks then you are an alcoholic. The fact is, most of the people nagging or evaluating alcohol and drugs has a problem them self or has gotten help someone in their lifetime to treat their own problems. Therefore, as you can see addictions, dependant alcoholics, and other types of alcoholics and drug addicts may alter. First all, any chemical that causes harm is a potential danger to your being.

In other words if you start out drinking when you are fourteen and continue through your lifetime without alcohol causing you trouble, or else landing you a spot in jail, then you are probably not an alcoholic according to few. The fact is the ones that are drinking and driving and getting caught are alcoholics according to the system although the level of alcohol in the blood plays a role in the determination.

The truth is the law sometimes over dramatizes and the system is out to make all the money they can, so we all might be alcoholics by the time they are done with us. Alcoholism and drug addictions are complex, in the sense there are too many misconstrued inputs and often the label is placed on individuals according to culture and history. If you parents drank alcohol then the system sometimes will claim you as an alcoholic. The fact is, Jesus drink wine in moderation, so drinking in moderation is not a bad thing. The problem 


becomes a problem when the person has difficulty putting down the bottle and/or increases their intake as well as combining drugs with the alcohol to get an affect they was had. If someone will steal or lie to get alcohol or drugs then you know they have a real problem. However, most alcoholics and drug addicts have bigger problems than addictions and this is often ignored.

For example, people with mental illnesses often resort to alcohol and/or drugs to find relief of their symptoms. Now if a professional is treating this person for his or her diagnose and progress is moving along the person often feels healthy and the alcohol and drugs are out the door. In my studies and opinions, I disagree with alcoholism and drug addictions if the person is able to stop once the mental illness is treated. This means that the person was suffering and the substances was a mechanism to help them cope. On the other hand, if the person is treated for mental illnesses and his or her drug and alcohol habits continue, then I think you had better get out the chair and start talking 'one day at a time.' Alcohol was once known as the "Devils Drink." The White men are the originator of the source, and since its beginning it has caused serious complications, including death, abuse, and other related crimes. Drugs are optional since the system often makes them available by teaching individuals what the drugs contain.

The root of all-evil is money, and if a person sees that he or she can gain, they may take advantage, but fall into a snare in between. The system is overwrought, since they put alcoholics and drugs addicts in jail and not seeking help for them. The solution to humankind's problem is helping and not hurting or promoting. If we can't get along now, what makes you think you are going to heaven

Sunday, April 24, 2011

10 Common Lies Women Tell Men



#1Nothing's wrong, I'm fine
According to the Science Museum study, this is the most popular lie told by women. Like we didn't know. On a bad day I hear it a couple of times before breakfast.


And of course, most men react to its utterance as if confronted by zombies, because what it actually means is: "I am sooo not fine. But I intend to let you stew for a while before starting a blazing row just before your parents turn up."

#2 It wasn't expensive
The literal interpretation of this porky is, of course, "it was very expensive indeed". Women use it because they like to shop and, however much they bang on about the joys of Poundstretcher and Primark, they really like to shop in Harvey Nicks.


But as lies go, it's not such a bad one. At least she's bothering to lie. A worse indication of the state of your relationship would be a brazen disregard for the shopping addiction that will eventually cost you your credit rating, your house and your sanity. 

#3 I'm on my way
If she rings or texts to tell you that she is 'on her way', the only course of action is to open an unabridged version of War and Peace.


Because there is every chance she is not on her way. She might be trying on an outfit. She might be taking it off again. She might be trying on the outfit she first tried on 20 minutes ago. Whatever it is, she is categorically not 'on her way'.

#4 That was the best sex ever!
There are two possibilities here. The first is that it really was the best sex ever and she isn't lying at all. More likely, it's a big fat fib designed to massage your ego, salvage a dying relationship, or tempt you reluctantly into further late night shenanigans.


And that's not a good sign. She shouldn't have to lie to keep you interested. If you realistically conclude that there is no way on God's good earth that it was the best sex ever, proceed with caution.

#5 My phone ran out of credit/battery/signal
If repeated regularly, this classic can mean any number of things, none of them good. Maybe you're in the doghouse. Maybe she's getting bored with you. Maybe she's having an amorous liaison with your best friend.

OK, the last one is probably a little over the top. But then again, maybe not. There's some reason she doesn't want to talk to you, after all.

#6 It's not you, it's me

This roughly translates as, "it's not me, it's you".




#7 I haven't touched it
You've been looking for something for ages, so you ask her if she's seen it. "I haven't touched it!" she cries, somewhat defensively. She looks down at her magazine and refuses to look you in the eye.


Which almost certainly means that she did see it, about three seconds before she chucked it in the bin. That's even more likely if the 'it' in question is a) your lucky pulling pants, b) something given to you by an ex-girlfriend or c) Playboy.

#8 I've got a headache
Before the 1990s, "I've got a headache" was sitcom shorthand for "stop pestering me for sex". Female leads were contractually obliged to utter it at least twice an episode.


Of course, no self-respecting woman would use that hoary old line in the 21st century. Instead they use, "I've got an STD", or "I've got post traumatic stress syndrome (after the last time)", or even, "I absolutely hate having sex with you".

#9 It's what I've always wanted
So you carefully consider her personality, interests and tastes, fight through the Christmas crowds and come away with a present you know she'll love. And of course she hates it.


There's a chance it's not a lie and she really does love it, but you'll get an inkling of the truth on Boxing Day when she asks if you kept the receipt, "just in case".

#10 I don't fancy anyone else!
We should probably accept that, just as we fancy other women, our partners fancy other men. That doesn't mean your own wife or girlfriend will do anything about it, or that she fancies anyone more than you, or that she'd rather be with someone else. It just means that, occasionally, she quite likes the look of another bloke.

Friday, April 22, 2011

5 Types of Men you should avoid dating

#1 The mummys boy
This guy probably lives with his mother if not, close enough for her to pop in for tea (most nights). She will have helped him pick out his decor and there will be photos of her all over his apartment. He goes for sunday dinner and has several cartons of homemade meals in the refridgerator.
Why you should stay away: You will never live up to his mother and although he will love and cherish you forever he will take hi mothers side every time. How to get rid of him: Tell him you don`t like his mother.
#2The body builder
This guy will have photos of himself on every available space, his own home gym (even though he has a life time membership at the swanky one in town). He has all the latest gadgets and home entertainment.
Why you should stay away: You will never see him as he is always down the gym, he will spend more time in the bathroom then you. He collects trophys and likes one hanging off his arm. How to get rid of him: Tell him to give up the gym.
#3The Womanizer
This guy will treat you like a princess and is the perfect lover. He dresses well and is out to impress and impress he will (every woman he comes in contact with). He will of course have trouble remembering your name what with all the women he has on the go.
Why You should stay away: His excuses for not showing up are getting more pathetic. You will have to compete with his phone for time as he has so many texts to answer.
How to get rid of him: "I use to be a man"
#4 The Workaholic
This man is going places but will he be taking you with him? He is smartly dressed, has great taste in decor eats at the finest resturants but his work will always come first.
Why you should stay away: You have to make an appointment to see him. He will take you to elegant dinner parties then leave you with strangers while he talks shop.
How to get rid of him: "I`m taking a year of to travel do you want to come?"
#5Your college lecturer
He is probably older than you, more worldly and get you a good grade but will always be his seceret.
Why you should stay away: If anyone found out about you they will say you slept your way to better grades. Plus he would lose his job and possibly his teaching position.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

5 Tips For Better Dating

1. Preparation is everything when it comes to dating. Spend some time thinking about your perfect mate. Know the type of person you are seeking. You will have some disappointments, but some dates will be more than worth it too. Be serious in your dating quest and you are likely to enjoy better success.

2. Get in shape before you start serious dating. The more attractive you look physically, the better chance that you will appeal to others. OK, we're not all perfect shapes, but make an attempt. Your dating experience will benefit, and your dates will quietly thank you for it too.

3. Do you have the necessary confidence levels for serious dating? You should. Overly shy people usually lose out, and overly bold people can put others off them. Be confident in your dating, but not too brash and bold. Your date will want someone quietly in control, but not too controlling.

4. Be realistic in your dating goals (you do have goals, don't you?). Some men would like a stunning blonde Hollywood 


starlet, but few get them. Some women yearn for a dark chiselled featured handsome athletic type, but often accept someone quite normal. Dating should be fun - not a quest for the perfect mate.

5. Don't throw yourself at your date. Hold something back. An element of mystery and mystique can often be more fascinating than anything else. Don't be too mysterious, but find a level that works. Dating is all about adventure, so let your dating adventure be an exciting one. 

Saturday, April 16, 2011

8 Deadly Dating Mistakes To Avoid!

#1 - Playing Games:
When it comes to dating we all have a fear of rejection. This is human nature. So playing it cool and not getting too involved with others makes us feel safe. Only problem with this is you may come off as being cold and aloof. For many people this is a real turn-off. And you may find the date of your dreams slipping away. The best way to find a loving relationship is to be real. People will be far more receptive to you if they believe you are genuine.

An other game people play is the "manipulation" game. Doing things like telling someone you "love them" or you'll "call them" just to have them sleep with you. Then once the deed is done they never hear from you again. This is one of the most cruel forms of manipulation and it must be considered unacceptable in the dating world.

Understand that it is O.K. to be a bit cautious. But you still must be brave and show the real you. Only then will you be able to have a trusting, loving relationship with the date of your dreams.

#2 - Moving to Fast:
Ladies this one is for you. We all fantasize about our future and the man of our dreams. Again, this is only human. But, do you find yourself testing out his last name with yours and you haven't even gone out on a third date yet? Well, if you do it's time to remind yourself to Slow Down. Here's why. Normally for the first 3-8 months of a relationship we are running on euphoria. You know that "head over heels" or that "swept off your feet" kind of feeling that comes with falling in love? Well, there's an actual reason why this occurres. It's from a chemical in our body called oxytocin. Basically, this chemical takes over our brain and it interferes with our ability to think clearly. So, until you've had time to get to know a person, and spend time with him to see what he is really like, it's best not to get to far ahead of yourself. If your expectations become to high you may find yourself heading down the path of heartache, and losing the date of your dreams. Slow Down!

#3 - Are you always talking about your ex? Carrying old baggage into a new relationship can be disastrous. Sure we've all had previous relationships, and yes your new love will find out about them. But, if you are constantly complaining about your ex, or always comparing your current love to your ex, it will get real old, real fast.

Instead, take some time to get to know this person. Give yourself the opportunity for a new start. Try to work out any old problems before you start up a new relationship. This way you won't allow the old baggage to cloud your judgment and affect your actions with your new love. Always talking about your ex may have you losing the date of your dreams.

#4 - Red Flags:
What are Red Flags? Well, here are some, but there are plenty more. Someone you were scheduled to meet doesn't show up and has no reasonable explanation as to why. - Someone your involved with will not give you their home phone number. - He/she will not introduce you to family or friends. - He/she won't go out in public with you.- Being cruel to a pet. - Being disrespectful to a parent. Yes, all of these are Red Flags. And, Red Flags should not be ignored.

While you should not jump to conclusions about anyone unless you have sufficient evidence that something maybe wrong. If you do feel there is a problem you will need to confront this person and ask for an explanation. If you do not get an acceptable explanation and the situation continues to occur then you need to move on. You do not want to waste your valuable time on a relationship that is doomed to fail.

#5 - Thinking Obsessively:
Are you a worrier? If so, don't let it ruin your relationship with the date of your dreams. Many people will worry over a relationship, even before it has a chance to really get going. You'll worry over what he/she said, or what your response was to something said. You'll worry over whether the relationship is moving to fast or to slow. Or whether the relationship is working at all. And, what will your friends think, your family think and so on. You need to understand that this sort of obsessive behavior is a real relationship killer. Try to build some self-confidence and trust that the relationship will work. And at a pace which is perfect for the both of you.

#6 - The Interrogation:
Do you want to know every detail of someone's life, and try to get it out of him/her on the first date? Well, you can't, not on the first or even the second date. If you come off as "The Interrogator" your new dream date will soon become tired of answering all your questions and move on to someone else. How many kids do you want to have? is not a good opening line on a first date. Just relax, let things happen naturally through simple conversation. Soon you'll know all there is to know about you new friend. So relax and just have some fun with you new date.

#7 - What about your needs?
Do you want kids, but, he/she does not? Did you tell him/her you want kids or are you just going along with his/her idea of life? You must be able to directly communicate your needs. If you don't you will spend your time in a relationship without having your needs met. You need to know what your own needs are and what his/her needs are before starting a serious relationship. When talking about your needs be assertive. Not bossy, naggy or demanding. But, tactful and direct. And, if the two of you can not agree on meeting each other's needs, (what ever they maybe) then it is time to re-evaluate the relationship. In any relationship whether it be personal or business the needs of all parties involved must be met.

#8 - Sacrificing too much:
Do you find yourself doing things to show someone you care that you would never do other wise? Are you letting yourself be used as a "doormat"? Usually this sort of behavior is associated with low self-esteem. Please realize that in any healthy relationship both parties must be treated as equals. And both parties must have their needs met. If this sounds like you re-evaluate your relationship, and if your are not happy get out. There is someone out there who will love you for who you are, without you having to jump through hoops to prove it.

Good Luck!
Vicky Chaudhary

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

An Introduction to Cocaine Addictions

Cocaine is a highly addictive stimulant witch immediately affects the brain after introducing it to the body. The side effects of this drug are extremely pleasurable and give the user a false sense of euphoria. Like caffiene, cocaine makes the user feel awake, energized and reduces the feeling of hunger. Cocaine addicts will have a sense of well being and a great sense of power combined with restlessness and anxiety. When the effects of cocaine wear off the user will 'crash' and have the the pleasurable, euphoric feelings, turn in to a great feeling of depression. A Cocaine addiction is hard to over come because the depression can be overwhelming. If the user cannot over come the addiction he/she might go to great lengths, even if it means neglecting a job, school or loved ones, to get their fix.
Signs of cocaine abuse include; bloodshot eyes, change in appitite or sleep, sniffling or runny nose,a change in friends, or school grades, sleepy, sadness, loss of intrest in hobbys and others, and fequently needing money. Short-Term effects of cocaine while 'high'; The cocaine user will be energetic with enhanced senses and mental alertness, increased heart rate and blood pressure, increased temperature and dilated pupils. Long term effects of cocaine: irritability, mood 

swings, restless, paranoid, possible auditory hallucinations and the number one long-term effect is addiction to the substance itself.
Many treatments have been found to have a positive affect on treating a cocaine addiction, but it is important to match the treatment to the needs to the individual. The main idea is to get the cocaine abuser to stop the use of the drug and keep them positive throught the withdrawl. There is an option for the user to see a therapist but that might not always be the best choice. Another choice is contingency management, which uses a point system to gain positive rewards for staying cocaine free. Rewards which would promote healthy living and focus on constructive thinking. Joining a therapeutic community or rehab clinic has proven to be a great option. The residential programs focus on re-socialization, group therapy, and team work to overcome their porblems. It is very important no matter what the treatment is for cocaine addiction the most important aspect to overcoming the problem is giving/getting support. Visit OHS for more Addiction Resources

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Are You Ready For An Relationship? Take the Quiz


Take the test - - are you ready for a relationship?
Most singles are seeking a committed relationship and date with that goal in mind. Many are not ready for commitment for a variety of reasons, but they don't want to be alone, and so they date to find a partner anyway. When their dating strategy doesn't align with their readiness status, these singles unconsciously set themselves up for failure, complicating their lives and those of their dating partners.
Just because you want something doesn't necessarily mean you're ready for it. Many variables can interfere with your readiness for a committed relationship with someone you meet, such as being involved with someone else, going through a divorce, financial trouble, career demands, family obligations, physical health challenges, or mental/emotional health challenges such as addictions, depression, or anxiety disorders.
It would be a tragedy to meet your soul mate and not be ready for them. Getting involved in a relationship before you are ready can create a shaky foundation of unfinished business that eventually brings a relationship crashing down.
To assess your readiness for a committed relationship, rate yourself in each of the following ten areas. Try to be objective and honest with yourself. We recommend asking close friends and family members for their opinions as well.
READINESS REVIEW FOR SINGLES
Rating Scale: Rate each item on a scale from 0 to 10
8-10: This area of my life is strong and would be an asset to my next relationship
5-7: This area needs work, but most likely would not sabotage my next relationship
0-4: This area could interfere with the success of my next relationship
1.I KNOW WHAT I WANT
I have a clear vision for my life and relationship. I can envision my perfect life in rich detail that feels strong, very real, and keeps me motivated.
2.I KNOW MY REQUIREMENTS
I have a written list of at least ten non-negotiable requirements that I use for screening potential partners. I am clear that if any are missing, a relationship will not work for me.
3.I AM HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL BEING SINGLE
I enjoy my life, my work, my family, my friends, and my own company. I am living the life that I want, and I am not seeking a relationship out of desperation and need.
4.I AM READY AND AVAILABLE FOR COMMITMENT
I have no emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship. My schedule, commitments and lifestyle allow my availability to build a new relationship.
5.I AM SATISFIED WITH 

MY WORK/CAREER
My work is fulfilling, supports my lifestyle, and does not interfere with my availability for a new relationship.
6.I AM HEALTHY IN MIND, BODY, AND SPIRIT
My physical, mental, or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want. I am reasonably happy and feel good.
7.MY FINANCIAL AND LEGAL BUSINESS IS HANDLED
I have no financial or legal issues that would interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.
8.MY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS ARE FUNCTIONAL
My relationships with my children, ex, siblings, parents, and extended family do not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.
9.I HAVE EFFECTIVE DATING SKILLS
I initiate contact with people I want to meet, and disengage from people who are not a match for me. I keep my physical and emotional boundaries, and balance my heart with my head with potential partners.
10.I HAVE EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIP SKILLS
I understand relationships, can maintain closeness and intimacy, communicate authentically and assertively, negotiate difference positively, allow myself to trust and be vulnerable, and can give and receive love without emotional barriers.
RESULTS: Add up your scores to determine your relationship readiness:
80-100: GREEN Light: You are well on your way to the life and relationship you really want
50-79: YELLOW Light: Continue to work on the areas needed and take it slow in relationships
0-49: RED Light: Take a break from seeking a partner, focus on your life and prepare for the relationship that you really want
NOTE: We suggest that ANY area rated 0-4 result in a "Red Light" and that you consider taking a break from seeking a partner until that area is improved.

Friday, April 8, 2011

All About Sexual Addiction

Sex addiction is one of the least talked about and least understood of all addictions. This is mainly because of our society's unwillingness to take a honest look at sexuality. However recently a more clearer understanding of sex addictions is being reached. Today the idea that someone could be hooked on sex is unsettling to most people. Most will deny that the problem is actually a chemical addiction and suggest that its really cause someone is a 'slut' or 'player' or that the person is just a 'horn dog'. People are more able to admit that they have bad habits then they are able to admit they are hooked on someone or something. This confusion about sex addiction is majorly influenced by our society's stereotype towards addicts.
Sex addicts are those who engage in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior. This behavior is usually increased as the time and problem foes on, despite negative consequences to self and others. They become addicted to the nero-chemical changes that take place in the body during sexual behavior. It is said that this is not an uncommon condition as some would think. In fact, more than 15 million people worldwide suffer from this type of addiction. Sexual addiction has many different forms including: compulsive masturbation, sex with anonymous prostitutes or other partners. multiple affairs outside of a committed relationship, habitual exhibitionism, inappropriate sexual touching, sexual abuse of children, and raping. The worst of all of these above is childhood sexual abuse. It is said that 60 percent of people who have a sexual addiction where abused by someone in there childhood. Its like a recurring nightmare, sex addiction hurts alot of people and can even lead to others developing the addiction.
Sex addicts have no comprehension of the risks they are taking. They feel their life is out of control. To deal with the pain, the sexual addict may resort to other 

addictions such as alcoholism, eating disorders, and abusive drugs. Many times suicide is also a constant thought. The addiction does not't make a person worthless, it just hides the addict's true personality and positive qualities. Many sex addicts, however, are not involved in any public activities that would enhance their level of arousal. Instead they spend hours reading or watching pornography, with eventually masturbation as part of their activity. Sexual addiction is progressive and it rarely gets better. Over time it gets more frequent and more extreme. At other times when it seems under control, the addict is merely engaging in one of the common traits of the disease process in which he switches from sexual release to the control of it.
Many addicts seek help for there sex addictino, but discontinue it or find it not helpful. They have a growing appreciation of the reality of the problem but tend to counter this realization by minimizing the problem or thinking they can handle it by themselves. Most fear that letting go of the addiction would mean giving up sex completely.
Recovery is not a straight incline leading directly to a desired goal, but it does follow a somewhat predictable path. To get on this path, the addict must first recognize his or her problem and be able to address their addictive behavior, then must understand the role that the addiction has served. The addict must learn the value of his self as a whole person, rather than as a sexual object.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A Psychological Approach To Quit Smoking

Smoking habits in most cases have to do with psychological addiction. It is not the lack of nicotine that represents the hardest obstacle to quit smoking. Though overcoming the physical cravings for nicotine can be difficult, overcoming psychological addiction to smoking can be even more challenging. A couple of weeks after you have stopped smoking, your body doesn't crave nicotine anymore, which means that the physical addiction is over. What remains is the physical manifestation of tobacco addiction, and this often seems so challenging that it sets aside the power of your own mind.

Which characteristics does psychological smoking addictions have?

You'll feel an overwhelming desire to light up a cigarette. Some people may even lie to their friends and family regarding their smoking cut, or even beg and steal to get their hands on a cigarette. You'll feel that you no longer have a choice and every minute of the day is governed by your inner urges for cigarets. The addiction can be so strong that you are willing to relieve them even if they hurt your family, career, and financial security.

How is it possible to get motivation to get off of this very destructive path?

You can get help from a professional to break your smoking habits and get rid of your addiction now and for the rest of your life. You may feel that this is too expensive or you don't have time and so on. Well, now that the internet has come you have no excuses anymore. More and more companies establish themselves on the web and those also include professional 


addiction help companies. They can offer programs to help you stop smoking and release you from your tobacco addictions with nicotine patches, anti-smoking pills, nicotine gums or psychological programs.

In most of these programs you will be encouraged to take some certain actions every day, both as exercises and in your daily life. The purpose with most of these programs is to motivate people addicted to cigarets to increase their willpower incrementally, by taking these daily moments as the program prescribes.

The first thing I will recommend is that you sit down, relax and seriously take a look at your life and realize how important it is to keep yourself out of the tobacco addictive loop. When you feel you are starting to get motivated, go online and search for stop smoking products. I wish you good luck.

Monday, April 4, 2011

A Simple Exercise For Quitting Smoking

This exercise to help you quit smoking is one that I have used with success. It is an adaptation of a general method for breaking bad habits or addictions. Unlike many other stop smoking help methods, this is meant to be used over a period of days, weeks or however much time it takes for you to stop smoking. In the beginning you should use it while you are smoking, but mainly when you are about to light a cigarette.

The exercise is very simple, but you have to do it consistently. It can be done wherever you are and in all kinds of situations when you smoke.

You light up a cigarette and start smoking. After a while you suddenly crush the cigarette against the ashtray and stop. Just stop and continue with the other activities you were doing.

You will probably light up a new cigarette after a while, and you should do the same as you did before; stop smoking and throw your nasty cigarette away and never look at it again.

Every time you light up a cigarette and start smoking repeat this act. Each time you light a cigarette, shorten the time it takes to put it out. After a while you should notice that while lighting the cigarette you will put it out without smoking it at all. Continue this exercise as long as you find necessary, which means until you have stopped smoking.

Give this stop smoking exercise

a chance; at least try it for a week, it can't damage you. It will only be an expensive habit that you are about to break. It is important to associate as many positive things as possible to being a non-smoker. Before you start this exercise think about it and write down all the good things you associate with not smoking. Also try to find out what you can do to substitute the short term gratification of smoking and replace it with an activity of even greater and long term gratification as non smokers have found to do. As a non-smoker you will find that life can be a more healthier and wonderful gift.