Addiction to Thinking

Varun sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about.

Varun is an extremely intelligent man, but in some ways he was using his own intelligence against himself. The problem was that when Varun did have those brief moments of true connection, he immediately went into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The moment he went into his mind, he lost the connection that he so desperately desired.

The reason Varun went into his mind was that, as much as he wanted the joy of deep spiritual connection, he wanted something even more than that - control over that connection. Varun’s ego wounded self-believed that he could control the connection with Spirit with his intellect - if only he could figure it out then he could control it. The last thing Varun wanted to do, which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit, is to surrender his thinking. Varun was deeply addicted to thinking as a way to not feel his inner experience. Thinking was his way of controlling his painful feelings, such as his aloneness, loneliness, and helplessness over others and over his spiritual connection.

Many of us are addicted to thinking. We believe if we can just figure things out we can control others and the outcome of things. We want to control how people feel about us and treat us by saying just the right thing - so we have to think about it over and over to discover the right thing to say. This is called “ruminating.” Ruminating is obsessively thinking about something over and over in the hopes of finally coming up with the “right” answer, the right thing to say, the right way to be to have control over others and the outcome of things. Ruminating is also a way to have control over our own painful feelings, which is what addictions are all about.

In my work with Varun, he would immediately go into his head and analyze what was happening in the session the minute feelings came up. Over and over I would bring him out of his head and into his body, into his feelings. His feelings were so terrifying to him that he could only stay with his feelings for a few moments before he was back into his head - explaining, figuring out, intellectualizing. He was so terrified of the soul 

Loneliness and aloneness he felt that he had learned to avoid these feelings with his mind. Yet until Varun was willing to feel his painful feelings, which had been there since childhood, he couldn’t stay out of his head. As long as his intent was to control his pain rather than learn from it, he would not be able to move into the spiritual connection he so desired. 

The purposes of all of our addictions are to avoid pain, especially the deep soul loneliness that we all feel in this society. The problem is that our disconnection from our feelings - which is our Inner Child - creates aloneness as well. Our feeling self, our Inner Child, is left alone inside with no one to attend to the painful feelings. It is only when our desire is to learn about how we may be causing our own painful feelings that we open to our inner experience. Our desire to learn also opens the door to our spiritual connection, which we cannot feel when our intent is to avoid pain with our various addictions.

It took Varun many months to be willing to feel his painful feelings, but he discovered that when he finally had the courage to feel them, it was not as bad as he thought. In fact, when he was no longer abandoning his Inner Child by going into his addictive thinking, he no longer felt alone within. Connecting with himself allowed him to connect with Spirit more and more of the time. Rather than getting there through thinking and trying to control it, he was getting there by being present in the moment with his inner experience - surrendering to the moment. Varun found that while he could not control others and the outcome of things, he actually did have control over his misery - by choosing the intent to learn rather than protecting against pain. While he couldn’t control Spirit, he did have control his own intent, which eventually led to his being able to connect with Spirit. 

All about smoking and how to quit

Why do we smoke?
Why do we smoke, when we all know that it is not good for health? There are very many reasons to it but in this article we will ponder over the biggest reason in today’s times and that is to release STRESS. What is stress, can we remove it through smoking, if not then how can we remove it, lets talk a little in the light of these questions.

What is Stress?
What is Stress? Stress is the situation when we feel helpless, incapable to perform, not able to meet the deadlines and pressurized. Stress could be due to any reason, be it work pressure, differences at personal front, may be due to financial crisis, or it could be due to anything.

Can we remove it through smoking?
Can we remove it through smoking? Can we smoke away our blues in the air and relax? Perhaps the answer is in the negative. If I have to submit a report to my boss in an hour, which I know, is just impossible and I am thus nervous, will smoking a complete cigarette down my lungs make me build a ginnee of that smoke that will do some miracle for me. Perhaps that could have happened, but alas it is not so. Then why am I smoking, if it is doing no good to me?

Then what to do?
Then what should I do in a stressful situation? The 

answer is confront it. Face the problem and find a solution to it. As for in my case above I would have talked to my boss, for some more time to prepare the report or if that could not have been possible to, provide me with some helping hand. Thus in a nutshell it is only positive attitude and logical thinking that helps you come out of a crisis situation. That’s why it is rightly said that it’s your attitude and not your aptitude that decides your altitude.

Dangers of smoking
Smoking not only does no good to us but it is bad for us, it thus does double harm to us. Smoking increases the chances of death due to lungs and breast cancer by a number of times. It wrecks the lungs during sports.

Tobacco the chemical contained in the cigar narrows the blood vessels and strains our heart. The biggest harm of tobacco is that it makes a person addictive to its use. So one should watch out, so as not to become addictive to its use in his plight to get rid of his worries and frustration. 

Addiction to Talking

Non-stop talking is about using others for attention and approval because of not giving oneself enough attention and approval. The talker is not actually offering anything to the listener. Instead, the talker, in going on and on with a monologue, is pulling energy from the listener. People who end up listening to a talker go on and on are often caretakers who are afraid to hurt the talker by disengaging or by telling the truth about their boredom.

Talkers are often needy people who attempt to assuage their emptiness by trapping people into listening to them. For example, I’ve seen people telling a bank teller their life story, while the trapped teller doesn’t know how to disengage without being impolite. The problem is that one of the reasons these people are without friends is that no one wants to be with them. It’s draining to be at the other end of a needy person who uses talking as a way to fill up.

If you are addicted to talking, perhaps you believe that you are being interesting when you go on and on about yourself. However, you might reconsider the truth of this belief if you find that many people avoid you. Most people will not tell you the truth – that they feel tired, drained and trapped in your presence, and bored by your talking. Not wanting to offend you, they just stay away rather speak their truth. They don’t answer the phone when they know it’s you, and they find any excuse to not spend time with you. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s that they don’t want to be used by you to fill up your emptiness.

HEALING YOUR ADDICTION TO TALKING

Imagine that you have a child within you – your feeling self - who feels very alone. This child feels alone 

because you are not paying attention to him or her. Every time you trap someone into listening to you, it is as if you are handing this inner child away for adoption. You want someone else to attend to and approve of this child instead of you accepting this responsibility.

The very fact of doing this is an inner abandonment and is creating the aloneness that is at the heart of all addictions. By expecting others to listen to you when you don’t listen to yourself, you are giving the child within a message that he or she is not important to you. When you do not take the time to attend to your own feelings and needs, you are creating inner neediness and emptiness. This inner emptiness is like a vacuum that attempts to suck caring from others. Yet no matter how often others do listen to you, it never really fills you. This is because only you can give your own inner child what he or she needs.

If you were to take some time each day to have a dialogue, either out loud or in writing, with the part of you who so needs to be heard, you would discover that you can fill your own emptiness. In addition, if you practice imagining a loving spiritual presence holding you, loving you, listening to you and guiding you, you will no longer feel alone.

As long as you believe that it is someone else’s job to fill you, you will not take the time to learn how to fill yourself. As long as you believe that it is okay to trap others and use them to fill yourself, you will continue your talking addiction. Only when you get that it is not loving to yourself or others to expect them to take care of your own inner child – your own feelings and needs - will you start to take on that responsibility.

While you might not believe that you can fill yourself better than others can, you will not know until you try. My personal experience is that when my intention is to take loving care of myself and to fill myself with the Love that is God, I feel happy and peaceful. When you choose to take responsibility for meeting your own needs instead of abandoning yourself to others, you will never feel alone.

Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Mental Health

Alcohol abuse is overrated, while drug abuse is underrated. The DSM manual suggests that substance abuse there are differences in the definition of drug and alcohol use. To confuse matters worse the law has its own version of who is an alcoholic or drug addict. Some of the symptoms that help professionals determine if alcohol and drugs are a problem include, excessive drinking/drugging, problems with the law, withdrawal symptoms, shaking of the hands, and so forth. If a person drinks everyday of the week and relies on alcohol, then you are probably dealing with an alcoholic.

There are philosophers who claim if a person needs a drink at breakfast, that he or she is an alcohol. Some philosophers claim that if you drink more than six-pack weeks then you are an alcoholic. The fact is, most of the people nagging or evaluating alcohol and drugs has a problem them self or has gotten help someone in their lifetime to treat their own problems. Therefore, as you can see addictions, dependant alcoholics, and other types of alcoholics and drug addicts may alter. First all, any chemical that causes harm is a potential danger to your being.

In other words if you start out drinking when you are fourteen and continue through your lifetime without alcohol causing you trouble, or else landing you a spot in jail, then you are probably not an alcoholic according to few. The fact is the ones that are drinking and driving and getting caught are alcoholics according to the system although the level of alcohol in the blood plays a role in the determination.

The truth is the law sometimes over dramatizes and the system is out to make all the money they can, so we all might be alcoholics by the time they are done with us. Alcoholism and drug addictions are complex, in the sense there are too many misconstrued inputs and often the label is placed on individuals according to culture and history. If you parents drank alcohol then the system sometimes will claim you as an alcoholic. The fact is, Jesus drink wine in moderation, so drinking in moderation is not a bad thing. The problem 

becomes a problem when the person has difficulty putting down the bottle and/or increases their intake as well as combining drugs with the alcohol to get an affect they was had. If someone will steal or lie to get alcohol or drugs then you know they have a real problem. However, most alcoholics and drug addicts have bigger problems than addictions and this is often ignored.

For example, people with mental illnesses often resort to alcohol and/or drugs to find relief of their symptoms. Now if a professional is treating this person for his or her diagnose and progress is moving along the person often feels healthy and the alcohol and drugs are out the door. In my studies and opinions, I disagree with alcoholism and drug addictions if the person is able to stop once the mental illness is treated. This means that the person was suffering and the substances was a mechanism to help them cope. On the other hand, if the person is treated for mental illnesses and his or her drug and alcohol habits continue, then I think you had better get out the chair and start talking 'one day at a time.' Alcohol was once known as the "Devils Drink." The White men are the originator of the source, and since its beginning it has caused serious complications, including death, abuse, and other related crimes. Drugs are optional since the system often makes them available by teaching individuals what the drugs contain.

The root of all-evil is money, and if a person sees that he or she can gain, they may take advantage, but fall into a snare in between. The system is overwrought, since they put alcoholics and drugs addicts in jail and not seeking help for them. The solution to humankind's problem is helping and not hurting or promoting. If we can't get along now, what makes you think you are going to heaven

10 Common Lies Women Tell Men

#1Nothing's wrong, I'm fine

According to the Science Museum study, this is the most popular lie told by women. Like we didn't know. On a bad day I hear it a couple of times before breakfast.


And of course, most men react to its utterance as if confronted by zombies, because what it actually means is: "I am sooo not fine. But I intend to let you stew for a while before starting a blazing row just before your parents turn up."

#2 It wasn't expensive

The literal interpretation of this porky is, of course, "it was very expensive indeed". Women use it because they like to shop and, however much they bang on about the joys of Poundstretcher and Primark, they really like to shop in Harvey Nicks.

But as lies go, it's not such a bad one. At least she's bothering to lie. A worse indication of the state of your relationship would be a brazen disregard for the shopping addiction that will eventually cost you your credit rating, your house and your sanity. 

#3 I'm on my way

If she rings or texts to tell you that she is 'on her way', the only course of action is to open an unabridged version of War and Peace.


Because there is every chance she is not on her way. She might be trying on an outfit. She might be taking it off again. She might be trying on the outfit she first tried on 20 minutes ago. Whatever it is, she is categorically not 'on her way'.

#4 That was the best sex ever!

There are two possibilities here. The first is that it really was the best sex ever and she isn't lying at all. More likely, it's a big fat fib designed to massage your ego, salvage a dying relationship, or tempt you reluctantly into further late night shenanigans.


And that's not a good sign. She shouldn't have to lie to keep you interested. If you realistically conclude that there is no way on God's good earth that it was the best sex ever, proceed with caution.

#5 My phone ran out of credit/battery/signal

If repeated regularly, this classic can mean any number of things, none of them good. Maybe you're in the doghouse. Maybe she's getting bored with you. Maybe she's having an amorous liaison with your best friend.

OK, the last one is probably a little over the top. But then again, maybe not. There's some reason she doesn't want to talk to you, after all.

#6 It's not you, it's me

This roughly translates as, "it's not me, it's you".

#7 I haven't touched it

You've been looking for something for ages, so you ask her if she's seen it. "I haven't touched it!" she cries, somewhat defensively. She looks down at her magazine and refuses to look you in the eye.


Which almost certainly means that she did see it, about three seconds before she chucked it in the bin. That's even more likely if the 'it' in question is a) your lucky pulling pants, b) something given to you by an ex-girlfriend or c) Playboy.

#8 I've got a headache

Before the 1990s, "I've got a headache" was sitcom shorthand for "stop pestering me for sex". Female leads were contractually obliged to utter it at least twice an episode.


Of course, no self-respecting woman would use that hoary old line in the 21st century. Instead they use, "I've got an STD", or "I've got post traumatic stress syndrome (after the last time)", or even, "I absolutely hate having sex with you".

#9 It's what I've always wanted

So you carefully consider her personality, interests and tastes, fight through the Christmas crowds and come away with a present you know she'll love. And of course she hates it.


There's a chance it's not a lie and she really does love it, but you'll get an inkling of the truth on Boxing Day when she asks if you kept the receipt, "just in case".

#10 I don't fancy anyone else!

We should probably accept that, just as we fancy other women, our partners fancy other men. That doesn't mean your own wife or girlfriend will do anything about it, or that she fancies anyone more than you, or that she'd rather be with someone else. It just means that, occasionally, she quite likes the look of another bloke.